On Kaua`i, children who succeeded against the odds had a close bond with at least one competent, emotionally stable person who cared about them and was sensitive to their needs.
Much of this nurturing came from substitute caregivers, such as grandparents, older siblings, aunts, and uncles, according to the Kaua‘i Longitudinal Study.
These resilient youngsters also relied on elders and peers in their community for emotional support and sought them out for counsel in times of crisis. A favorite teacher was often a positive role model, so were caring neighbors, elder mentors, parents of friends, youth leaders, ministers and members of church groups.
Could you be that one caring adult?
The power of one strong adult relationship is a key ingredient in resilience according to a new report from the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. “No matter the source of hardship, the single most common factor for children who end up doing well is having the support of at least one stable and committed relationship with a parent, caregiver, or other adult.” – Harvard University Center on the Developing Child
You can be that one person who helps turn a young person’s toxic stress into tolerable stress. You can help them to overcome adversity and to thrive.
How do I begin?
Start by paying more attention to young people around you, in your extended family, your church or your school. Ask them how they are doing. Offer to listen and give them encouragement. Offer to spend time with them (with their parent’s permission of course), play a board game, do an activity like fishing or see a movie, or simply read books together. Click Here for some simple ideas to get you started.
You can also become volunteer at a youth organization like Hale Opio Kaua‘i, Big Brothers Big Sisters, a church youth group, or at your local school.
The main thing is to let the youth in your life know that you care about them. It’s that simple. And spending time with them may end up being the very best part of your day, too.
Every child who ends up doing well despite their early hardships has at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult.
“Resilience depends on supportive, responsive relationships and mastering a set of capabilities that can help us respond and adapt to adversity in healthy ways,” says Shonkoff, director of the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard.
